runcible spoon

Qwerty is ruining my life

Why can I not type better? After all, I'm not of the age where one can simply roll one's eyes and sigh, 'oh well, it's all different for the young 'uns ... brought up on computers, they are.'

I AM pretty much a 'young one', for God's sake, but I still can't type!

I can vaguely recall lessons in early primary school using chunky, boxy Microbee computers on which we were supposed to learn to type. For some reason, that whole experience was a dismal failure on my part, and I was quite happy when the lessons petered out.

DISCLAIMER: when I see the rudimentary nature of said computer, I begin to think it's no longer appropriate to call myself 'young'.  I start to feel like I was born in the last Ice Age. This thing looks like it's only one step up from the days when a single computer required an entire room of its own:


 

Now I find myself grappling with the hunt-and-peck-at-top-speed dilemma: it's terrible ergonomically and brings with it an astounding rate of errors, but it remains faster than my paltry efforts at learning to touch type.

I know I need to force myself here, but the flesh (and the mind, for that matter) is weak. Every time I commence, I get dispirited and then before I know it, I'm pounding away with two fingers in a frenzied, mistake-addled keyboard dance.

Tomorrow is a new day. Maybe then ...

Sky sex

There's an ad for a budget airline, Virgin Blue, that's up in Elizabeth street in Sydney right now.

The bus-stop billboard bears a photographic image of a slightly porky white man ('the passenger') beaming as an attractive young woman ('the airline stewardess') leans in close to check that everything's a-okay.

Perhaps sir would like a pipe and slippers with his e-ticket?

What the fuck - is this 2005 or 1965? Women are, themselves, actually known to fly on planes, I'm thinking. And sometimes we're even paying passengers rather than willing servants in the air.

My wrath was not appeased when I got on an actual Virgin Blue flight only to look at the catalogue of stuff that they hawk on-board to make a few extra bucks. In said catalogue I found two delightful promotional teddy bears: the 'boy' bear in a neat, white shirt, dark pants and aviator goggles is the 'Captain' and the (NEW! Just released!') 'girl' bear in a becoming little skirt is the 'Cabin Crew'.

I entertained some thoughts of buying the bears and cross-dressing them, or of asking when the Fearless Girl Captain Bear and the Attentive Boy Cabin Crew bears would be released.